Bonus Episode: A Conversation w/ Aiko Bethea

For today’s conversation, you get to learn from Aiko Bethea. Aiko is a leader, builder, and the founder of RARE Coaching & Consulting. RARE Coaching & Consulting works with leaders and organizations to remove internal and external barriers to inclusion, and allowing them to understand each other as people, colleagues, and teams in more collective ways. In addition to her work at RARE Coaching & Consulting, Aiko is Sr. Director of the Daring Way™ and the Dare to Lead™ global facilitator communities of Brené Brown Education and Research Group. She is also a Senior Director at Frontline Solutions, a black-owned consulting firm.

Insight: Assess your values, and discover how you will implement them in your life.

Action: Set and live into your value-based boundaries.

Transcript

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, values, organization, terms, thinking, learning, diversity, leader, hear, feel, community, irrational belief, aiko, podcast, understand, understanding, black, lived, permission, replenishes

SPEAKERS

Bethaney Wilkinson, Aiko Bethea

Bethaney Wilkinson  00:02

Welcome to The Diversity Gap podcast where we are exploring the gap between good intentions for diversity and true cultural change. My name is Bethaney Wilkinson, and I am your host. Okay, this feels amazing. I am so happy to be back at the mic. And to be sharing this bonus episode of The Diversity Gap podcast with all of you. I know it's been a minute over this. Over this past year, I feel like I don't know like I climbed a mountain with my arms full of heavy weights. And I finally made it to the top where I'm able to sit those weights down. Okay, that's a silly metaphor. But it's been quite the year my book The Diversity Gap Where Good Intentions Meet True Cultural Change released in October. I hope you've gotten your copy if you haven't yet it is available wherever books are sold, buy a copy for yourself a copy for your boss, a copy for your board of directors, you know, buy a copy for everybody. But yeah, so I had the book thing that was huge, a huge lift, I'm really happy about it. And I also on the more personal side of my life, built a house not like literally with my hands, though sometimes. But I have been working as a general contractor building our home from the ground up, my husband and I are starting our homestead. And it's just been a lot. It's been a lot and it's been new and it's been really, really great. But as is the case for life and adulthood, we can't be awesome, all the things all the time. And so it's been a really good and refreshing time away from the mic away from podcasting, as I've you know, created these other things and spent time with my family. But I'm super happy to be back today to share with you an episode that I recorded I guess. I guess it's been a few weeks now, an interview I recorded with Aiko Bethea, the founder of RARE coaching and consulting now, Aiko is amazing. And I first heard of Aiko on wait for it the Brene Brown podcast Dare to Lead what Yes, I felt very excited. I was eventually connected to Aiko is kind of a funny story because I heard her on the podcast have followed her work on LinkedIn have been looped into what she's doing with teams and leaders and organizations who are aspiring to create more diverse and inclusive cultures. So I've been following her work. And then literally one day I thought to myself, Oh, it'd be amazing if I could talk to Ica Thea, like she's brilliant, creative. I just really appreciate her perspective on on organizational change. And I'm not kidding you. I had that thought. And then the next day, I had an email in my inbox from her PR team saying, hey, Bethaney, what do you think about having Ico on your podcast? I was like, This is amazing. Of course, I was literally thinking about her yesterday. And so I'm really excited to share this conversation with you as kind of a bonus before, we do have season four of the podcast next year. Now to tell you a little bit more about Aiko. Aiko is, like I said, the founder of rare coaching and consulting. She is a leader, a builder and a connector. Through her work, she coaches leaders and organizations to really work on removing the internal and external barriers to inclusion, which allows them to understand each other as people as colleagues and teams and more connective weighs and, you know, as I've been thinking about diversity, equity and inclusion work in general, especially as we move to a new phase of life as we emerge from the pandemic fog. And as we're getting back into offices for some of us, I just have personally been really feeling like we need more connective ways to build towards more inclusive and diverse organizations, so much of our work, you know, we get stuck in dismantling and deconstructing, but what might it look like for us to connect to reconstruct to build and  Aiko's work really anchors us and values-driven work and personal. Just agency discovering your own voice her work is is so inherently connected and transformative and so I just can't wait for you to learn from her. Also, I want to say that the Aiko was also featured in the anthology called You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience and the Black Experience which was edited by Tarana Burke and Brene Brown and so if you love this conversation, if you like learning from Aiko, which I know you will, then you can also check out this book You Are Your Best Thing and and learn from not only Aiko but learn from a collection of other black voices and creatives. Artists and writers organizers about vulnerability shame resilience in the black experience just really important work. It's this conversation is like drinking from a deep well so I hope that you enjoy it and again it's so good to be back in your earbuds. I hope that you have a lovely holiday season. However you're celebrating this December and keep an eye out on The Diversity Gap socials and email list to stay in the loop for how we are shifting things up in 2022 All right, friends, that's all I've got. Enjoy this conversation between me and Aiko Bethea. All right, everyone. Welcome to this episode of The Diversity Gap podcast. I am so excited to have with me today, Aiko Bethea, how are you today?

Aiko Bethea  05:52

I'm doing fine, and so excited to be here with you. Thank you for inviting me.

Bethaney Wilkinson  05:57

Wonderful. Well, I want to kick this off with the first question that I asked every guest on this show. And that is, when did you first know that you had a race or ethnic identity? And how did you know?

Aiko Bethea  06:09

So I would say that, for me, what is a little bit different is that I was raised in a Japanese speaking household, and Spartanburg, South Carolina and an all black community and low income community. So within my house, and while I was younger, I already knew that we were different because we spoke a different language and the people around us, and my mother, grandmother who raised me, they look different. So I already knew in terms of it, there was a racial difference then. Now if you're talking about difference in terms of race, in contrast to whiteness, I think that that became really stark and apparent when I was an elementary school and I went to a title one school. And we were I was bused once a week over to a white school for gifted program. And there was higher income there. There was also the first time I saw that people, you know, parents actually didn't work and would drop off and pick up their kids. Mostly kids are brought lunch, they're always talking about how they had, you know, the expensive snacks and Capri Suns and all these links. And we were I was in, you know, free on our free lunch program, which they didn't have anybody at that school on that. And they remember, they had to figure that out for me. So, so it's actually that, I think that intersection between one knowing that I was black, but also that being conflated with also being poor.

Bethaney Wilkinson  07:38

It really, it's striking to me, because it's like so many of our understandings of how the world is organized. I mean, it really does start when we're so little, you know, in school as children as young people, I'm curious to hear what role does your racial and ethnic identity play in the work that you do today? I mean, you've lived a whole life since those days of going to being bused to the to the majority white school. But what role do those identities play now?

Aiko Bethea  08:07

I mean, it's everything, I don't think anybody can separate their lived experience their history, you can't separate that from who you are, what you do at work, right. And it informs a lot of your purpose, how you see yourself in the world and how you see other people. For me, I think, probably if I had to think about a theme, or it's actually one of my values is justice. And it has a lot to do with understanding who has and who doesn't, and who has by default, and who doesn't have by default. And that is so entwined with being from an immigrant family here, where as the first gen person here, you're translating systems and narratives all the time for your family, you're noticing when your family is spoken about in a certain way, or if the cashier is even going to give them the right change back, right. And so you're always noticing equity in terms of who's being treated differently, and less than who has power exerted over them, and who's the person holds the power? So I don't know if you can ever separate your lived experience and your identity from the work that you do and how you approach that work.

Bethaney Wilkinson  09:15

Would you say that? I'm curious, I love that you use the word values. I do a lot of work around values and my own coaching. And then in my own reflections on organizations and culture, I'm really struck by this idea of justice as a personal value. And I'm curious to hear how you arrived at knowing that was something that you valued. And then did you have any sort of training around language for that? Or like, how did you come to know that justice was a value of yours? Because I imagine that for many people listening, it is a value and they haven't named it for themselves yet.

Aiko Bethea  09:50

Yeah. So I really think that so part of part of the work of defining what our values are, is less about what that word is in terms of that value. What that how you named that value, then the behaviors that define it. And I talk about this a lot, oftentimes with clients. So for example, Bethany, you and I both can say that one of our primary values is family, right. But for me, the behavior that might come up is that, you know what, I'm going to work 80 hours a week, to make sure my family always has, and they're never without, and the lights are always on, they're financially secure, and they can get whatever they need in this world. Okay, and you might say, family is your value as well. But the way it shows up in terms of behavior, you're like, hey, you know what, I have to work part time or I have to be a stay at home parent. And it means we're going to have to go out with some go without some things. That's what's going to happen. Because my presence here I need to be engaged, I need to be present every moment doesn't mean one's better than the other. But it means that we both named this as a value, but it shows up differently. So to me the language around what it is isn't as important as how do we define how it shows up?

Bethaney Wilkinson  10:59

Oh, that is beautiful. Okay, that really excites me, because I think about different teams, like nonprofit organizations, values driven teams, or teams that would call themselves values driven. And when it comes to specifically issues of racial equity, I love hearing you say, Oh, these values might show up differently for different ones of us. Because if we're talking about a team, or an organization, maybe some of the misalignment that people feel is because they have the same value and it is being expressed in different ways. Is that something that you see in your work

Aiko Bethea  11:33

all the time, I think. So when I don't even know if I would say, hey, people have the same values, or they're just calling it the same thing. But they're actually different, right. And that's why the word doesn't matter as much as how it shows up. Because however, this whatever you want to call it, as a you know, if you want to call it a value, however, it shows up shows what your expectations are, it shows how you're going to approach things and decisions more than the word. So if I'm saying one of my values is loyalty, so justice and loyalty are my two top values, I do believe that once people have more than three values, it kind of just becomes pretty diluted, but your top two, so loyalty. So for me, loyalty also means that someone is going to tell me the truth, no matter what, you know, they're going to hopefully use tact around, but they're going to tell me the truth. I know that for some colleagues, loyalty means you're my ride or die. Even if I'm about to go and rob a bank or something, you're going to be right there with me. So it's about the how right The only benefit in values is knowing exactly how you're going to implement them, what do they need, because that's how you set boundaries. Right? If I understand the behaviors associated with that value, one, I understand how to set how my boundaries are going to be set. And I can relate to other people, and they understand my values, and they understand my boundaries. It helps them to understand how to approach me how to influence me, it helps me to understand how I'm going to motivate my team by understanding my team members values. And for an organization people have all these words on a wall. But when it comes to the how they're all over the map, that helps me to understand they actually don't correlate, they don't actually align on even what the word is, we're saying the same word, but we mean totally different things. And we don't even know how we're going to go about this. So you need to hold me accountable for that value. Because I don't even know the how. Right so for some people, some companies, I've noticed, they're starting to use empathy as a value. But the way that they the empathy is applied, it ends up meaning, no accountability, because I must not be empathetic towards you because I'm holding you accountable. And being held accountable feels uncomfortable. It feels like it can be really strict. Are you really understanding who I am and connecting with my emotions? So empathy ends up being almost a proxy for not holding people accountable? So that's how important is it to define the behaviors that go with each of the values?

Bethaney Wilkinson  14:15

Absolutely, oh, that is so rich, gosh, I'm so excited to be learning from you and to keep doing so. Because I feel like even that nugget alone is just, it's just a masterclass in what it looks like to make our stated values for equity inclusion, diversity, actionable, like that's the whole point and and I actually think it creates a lot of space for creativity and collaboration, to work together to determine what the behaviors are that do correlate with those values. So I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. I find that organizations arrive at their desire to engage issues of you know, equity, inclusion, diversity, they arrive at the table from a variety have different perspectives and with a lot of different motivation, some motivations that we would probably say those are great, some that we would maybe say those aren't the best. So I'm curious how do you know when a client or a leader of an organization is truly poised to affect change? versus those who are performing? Or who are just trying to check a box? Like how do you how do you parse that out?

Aiko Bethea  15:26

Yeah, I think a lot about you know, what is the why, what's the reason for doing this work? Why are you compelled to do this work. But also, I think another way to align folks are understand better what outcomes are going to be as, you know, the organizational and leadership has to be able to identify what the future state looks like, if this work is successful, what will be different? So now that actually builds my roadmap of understanding, okay, what's the depth that they want to go? Is it really transactional in terms of hey, would have more people of color and leadership? Or is there something different about your How is it there's something different about the way the organization feels? Is it something different about how you're received by different communities? or what have you? So that's what I'm usually gonna ask, well, what's the future state, your desired future state this work to successful? And why are they even doing it in the first place, and though that helps me understand a lot even helps me understand people's capacity or where they are in terms of understanding what, what does diversity, equity inclusion mean? And I do at the end of the day with clients, I'm really clear that diversity and equity work is not the segregated pillar of work. It is simply leadership work. And when folks tell me, hey, what if our Leadership isn't ready to do dei work? I come back and I ask, Are they ready to be leaders then? Because it's a it's a very same skill set. And when we think about emotional intelligence, self awareness, understanding how you're perceived, understanding how you communicate as an effective communicator, it is the same skill set that you expect of every leader. The only difference is, is the breadth and depth of it. So for emotional intelligence, I talk about, Hey, that's not new, right, in terms of a primary skill set for a successful leader. Like that's not new for you to hear, right? Yeah. Well, what's different is before emotional intelligence, you could knock it out the park, if you looked a certain way, because everybody in the room looked like you, the people you were responsible with connecting with and influencing, and the folks who were also accountable to you. So now, our expectation is that people in the room look different. So you need to understand how to connect with people across different cultures and be really aware of how different people from different backgrounds experience you. Different people from different lived experiences, experience you and you're expected to be able to flex before that wasn't the case and accountability happens beyond who's in the room with you, because we have social media, right? We know that black Twitter's alive and well. We know that IG we know that consumers are savvier. They're looking at who's on that board of director. We know regulations and policies just from NASDAQ and s&p has different expectations. So your emotional intelligence and awareness is much more heightened. Now, for many of us who are used to being the only one in the room, we were already flexing that way, because we've never would have made it into the room unless we understood whiteness, and how to engage with it and how we're perceived from that perspective, and able to flex around it. So we're already experiencing and practicing a different depth of emotional intelligence. So D I work is not different from leadership work. It's just the ante is up. And when you segregate it, you're putting a timeline on it in terms of once feel good advocacy is over, yes, it becomes a moment. And in terms of when you don't have people who are as invested in it, then for right now is just a temporary mandate. But if you're talking about the belief in what I need from my leaders in a type of workplace I want and who can thrive here being expansive, then that means it is a leadership competency. This that's just much more expansive. Now you're an AP level course.

Bethaney Wilkinson  19:36

So I'm wondering about people who work in organizations and they aren't the leader, you know, they're not in the C suite. They're maybe not even. They're not necessarily managing or supervising a lot of people, but they are in the organization and they are maybe a part of an erg or they are building a coalition with other underlying Presented or historically excluded minority groups in the company, and they are trying to, you know, plant seeds of transformation in their organizational contexts. What would you say to that person or to those individuals and and what can they be doing? Or what can they be thinking about? If they're trying to advocate for transformation, that they're that their leaders aren't quite understanding yet?

Aiko Bethea  20:26

Yeah, you know, what, I'm a big believer in people being compensated for the work they're doing, including the emotional labor connected with that. So culture is everybody's responsibility in organization. But when I think about, folks, you do the heavy lifting, like the pretty much like this grassroots effort around er, G's and other things, I think about them setting boundaries, understanding and making sure their cup is full. And the work they're doing is based on their cup running over. And it's the extra, but that should not be what's taking over their mandate, because you end up kind of paying a price at the end of the day for doing that work. Because, oh, are you still performing well, in your regular nine to five job that we pay you for? So I'm usually more so in that mindset of thinking about? Are you taking care of yourself? What does it mean for you to do that work on top of it? Because, frankly, most of the people who are doing this work and are so passionate about it, are people who are the ones who are most impacted by, you know, inequity. So for other folks, I think about the idea of, you know, what, what's the price that's going to be paid? If you don't do this work in terms of you're the one who's the power holder, even if that's about cultural capital versus in your position? So I actually don't engage in any contract work or work with companies where if the ERG folks aren't being paid for that work, or somehow compensate it? Is it's perpetuating inequity and a whole different way? Probably isn't an answer to your question. But I really think about people living into their bow boundaries and their values, so that if this is a part of how you show up, and you believe in it, you're going to be modeling it throughout, and how you show up, but to do the extra above and beyond and leading ERG works and putting things together and educating your leadership. Or I'm just not a fan of that.

Bethaney Wilkinson  22:27

I love that answer, not only because it's honest, but it also it probes people to really go deep and ask like, what is this costing me? And what am I hoping to see actualized here, I know in my own story, and I and my own experiences, sometimes when I'm really trying to advocate for when I was really trying to advocate for the organization to change, it was almost like a reactive response to the racial trauma that I was just navigating as a black woman in America. And yes, that needed tending to, and it continues to need tending. But the solution to that wasn't going to be my white supervisor, figuring out how to diversify our organization. mean that probably would have helped by I had to do my own work to realize, okay, the thing that I'm seeking the thing that I need, it's actually not going to be satisfied by me, overworking myself to try to change other people, which has been a really tricky thing for me to parse out over time.

Aiko Bethea  23:30

Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, there's this, this work I do around irrational beliefs. And I think sometimes the underpinning of that that behavior that we sometimes exude is the idea of this irrational belief of, if I don't do this, then it won't get done, then this inequity will continue. If I this one lone woman doesn't do something instead of recognizing that there are other people who may be better equipped than us to be doing that work. And we don't have to, it's not on us to do to take up everything and to fix everything. And sometimes it's black women is like, imposed into a part of our identity somehow, but that ability to recognize as a rational belief that it has to be me and the buck stops with me, that's not true. Why am I you know, taking that on? Oh,

Bethaney Wilkinson  24:23

wow. Yes. Okay, and we're done that. Now, you're so you're so right. And I have never thought about it in terms of it being an irrational belief, but it's true. It's just me, you know, 2223 years old, and I think I'm gonna flip this nonprofit instead, with my, you know, my little degree in sociology or whatever it might be. And it's not to say that I don't have a meaningful perspective, but it is irrational to think that that entire the weight of that change would rest on my shoulders, and I think that might resonate with many listeners as well. So that leaves It's pretty, I think well into my next question because there are equity inclusion and diversity practitioners who do listen to this podcast. And I'm wondering for you, like when it comes to leading in this work, being a thought leader, and you know, championing leadership work in general related to the AI, it can be really easy to get caught in the cycles of reaction. And so what I mean is, there's something that happens in the news, or there's a big loss in our community or, or the boss said something wild, like it could be any sort of thing. And then there can be this expectation that as a, you know, D, I thought leader that you have to have a response or reaction, a thought on everything. And it can cause a lot of depletion. And so I'm wondering what it looks like for you, as a practitioner and coach to advocate for change from a place that's proactive and generous and, and from a place that's overflowing, as opposed to getting caught in this, you know, this cycle of reacting to everything.

Aiko Bethea  26:04

Yeah, I think it does go back to even that that irrational belief we're just talking about just now, which is that it doesn't, I'm not the alone person here. And there's so many people who are better qualified, more experienced, or even have more capacity than me. And at heart, I'm truly a learner. So I like to actually hear what other practitioners are saying or doing. I like to hear what the community is saying. I like to think about things in terms of the art of a cycle, like what are we learning from past history to address what's happening now. So the importance of always contextualizing what's happening now, too. And I think if you're thinking about things in that way, holistically, it's really hard to be reactionary. And usually, when I'm reacting, it's from an emotional place. And it has to do with usually I can trace it right back to my values, I feel something is breached in terms of justice or loyalty when I feel like I need to react to something. But if I'm thinking about in terms of how my voice is going to elevate or support impact, than I need to pause and think about it. Honestly, I'm human, so I need rest. I have a lot of natural built in forcing functions that don't allow me to react everything. One is like I have two kids, right? They have AIDS, and they have clear demands. I have a team, the team, and I'm going to honor the team's capacity. So they're things like that. And I'm usually learning I feel like I have more to learn than I have to teach. So I like to see what other people are saying about things so that I can be more intentional.

Bethaney Wilkinson  27:41

In the midst of this work that you're doing, who or what replenishes you, I know, you just mentioned your kids. But what else what else gives you life and sustains you as you navigate world, the world as a black woman in 2021?

Aiko Bethea  27:56

Yeah, you know, the kids go both way they sustain and deplete. You're definitely you know, the what I think about sources of joy, the kids definitely are sources of joy. And that always helps to replenish your cup. But I think community is always core and key to me, being in community having a shared language, a shared, acknowledged lived experience, where you get just validation for your humanity and your existence. So that is always super important to me. And it's not only being in community in real life with people, it is about reading different folks, his perspectives of things. I read a lot of fantasy, too. I love that you've talked about this before, but I think imagination is so important for us. In terms of, you know, we're see if we're seeking justice, and we're seeking liberation for black people, people of color or what have you. We've never seen that. Yeah, so I need to feed my imagination to be able to harness what could it look like and how do I get there? So you know, we're used to living in dysphoria. It's our existence. So thinking about how do I frame it or shape it? And what can it be for us to have spaces to really freely breathe. So that replenishes me like reading and fantasy and other types of books. But learning just learning just feeds my soul though, learning as I stay in different communities of people who I can learn from like frontlines. It's a, it's a black LED, consulting firm, but it's just these people who are like, social justice workers or academics. They're, you know, just come from all different walks of life, and it feeds me, you know, the work at Bernays place just learning more insight about emotions and how do they work and what does it mean about us as people so I really get fed by learning. Yeah.

Bethaney Wilkinson  29:58

So I'm curious to hear I have a couple more questions here. I'm thinking about 25, you know, maybe 30 year old black women who are in their early in their careers, and they are really passionate about racial justice in general. And they are perhaps the first or the only one in their context, what words of advice or encouragement would you offer to them?

Aiko Bethea  30:27

Know your why. Be open to switching and allow and giving yourself permission to shift your why and your how. Understand your values, what feeds you what replenishes you and have community have come take care of your community? Because your community will take care of you? Yeah, but give yourself permission to switch lanes to shift the way that you think, to learn and be a new person. Give yourself permission to grow. Sometimes we don't give ourselves permission to grow and to evolve. And we have guilt about that.

Bethaney Wilkinson  31:07

Absolutely, that permission to pay to the permission to change piece is so key. And that's something that I'm learning right now. Like it's okay to not do things the same way. I've always done them, it's okay to, to take the lessons for it. It's interesting, because I think I know that I get trapped in feeling like oh, if this doesn't work in this way forever, then I've failed in some way. And really claiming that permission for myself to grow into evolve into let my passions change. And it's been a really liberating practice.

Aiko Bethea  31:37

Yes, yes. And sometimes though, Bethaney, you can be in community with folks who don't want to allow you to change and to grow.e

Bethaney Wilkinson  31:47

That is so true. Because I think too, when you're working I this is kind of a tricky, dynamic. Maybe you've seen this before. As a lone black woman who's like the racial justice champion in your organization, there can be this out of codependence is the right word. But it's this sense of, oh, we need you we need your voice. And that sense of validation can feel so good. But it can also be incredibly extractive. And so it can be, it can cause a bit of an identity crisis, when you pull back and you're like, who am I without this? Why organizations need of my expertise? And it? I mean, it's a healing journey. But um, yes, when you said that I just thought about that dynamic of being the only one and having white folks say you're the person, you're our Savior, which isn't true, but it can be framed that way. And it puts a lot of pressure on us.

Aiko Bethea  32:33

Well, it does. But I'm so glad that you said that. So Bethaney, when I think about another irrational belief is this idea of our worth being because being entrenched and being needed, and being liked. And that once you actually as you start shifting your beliefs, or they become more nuanced, or your voice gets more elevated, it's going to be clear about the things that are okay and not okay for you. And that means in order for you to live into those values, and those boundaries, people will be disappointed. And what does that mean in terms of are you going to be okay with not being liked, because a lot of us, we put our worth in to as being needed as a proxy for our worth being liked as a proxy for how much we're, we're worthy. And so we have to separate that so that we can be our own person. Otherwise, you're always going to be accommodating others, you're going to be more concerned about being liked. It means that you likely may not be living into your values, which means defining your boundaries, saying no, moving yourself out of spaces that are not serving you, and that could be harming you. So we've got to be really anchored into our own worth. And being worthy even though we're imperfect. And I love that definition, because Brene talks about this in terms of wholehearted living, but this idea of count and when you're okay, Bethany, with understanding your value, even though you're not perfect understanding you're worthy, even though you're not perfect. Guess what? That is the antidote to perfectionism. And wanting to be liked and believing you can't make mistakes and believing you have to be flawless. If you're not perfect and being okay with it, but we know what systems are served when people are perfectionist. Yeah. And trust and believe it's not one that means leaning into your humanity and loving yourself.

Bethaney Wilkinson  34:48

I was not ready for this therapy session today. 

Aiko Bethea  34:51

 I think we all need to hear that. I mean, I think we hear these things kind of that's why I think the strength in work and having language around these things because they can feel so nebulous. There's just a sense where something doesn't feel right. And you don't know what it is, shouldn't people should not be happy that people like me, should I be? Isn't that what they tell me? It means to be successful at work is when you're, when you're not expendable, and people need you. But then when you hear framed in these other ways about what's the price, what's the cost, then you can actually analyze and think about things in a different perspective, you can understand why, hey, this is why this doesn't feel right. So I think these conversations and the work you do with the podcast, it gives language, and it gives people a different perspective to understand what could be happening in a system that they're navigating, which is often the workplace, but oftentimes, it can also be in our families of origin. It can be in our own communities when realize something is not aligned. And we have guilt, often, when we want to walk away from success as defined by others. We feel guilty when we want when we don't agree with or we want to correct things that people in our families of origin tell us who we should be respecting, and we should be grateful for and our culture says we should encounter them. So we need to have these conversations so that people have permission to disrupt and to understand where there's misalignment.

Bethaney Wilkinson  36:24

Yeah, I Okay, so I'm thinking that I'm not thinking this. And I'm sure everyone else is thinking this too. How do we keep learning from you? Because I feel like we just got started, even though we've been talking for a minute. And so how can people continue to learn from the work that you're doing? And especially around this thing of irrational beliefs? I don't know that I've ever even heard of this before. So how can how can we keep learning? 

Aiko Bethea  36:50

Oh, thanks for asking that, Bethaney. So we do provide custom workshops. So irrational beliefs in terms of overcoming the inner critic. That's one of the workshops that we offer, we actually do it in a cohort group that's over a couple of months. One thing that's unique about rare coaching consulting my firm is that the services we offer are always in a majority people of color space. So that means that perspectives are validated and experiences and other people who are in that space are learning and understanding. It's a way to elevate emotional intelligence across the board. So one of the things I did want to share is that I will be launching a cozy comfort series next spring, about someone named Tameka Robinson. And the amazing thing about her is the fact that she's defining success on her own terms. And goes back to the idea of what we talked about of fantasy escapism and imagination, like being able to see our experiences, our lived experiences, and to validate what they are. And the great thing is, is a cozy comfort novel. So it's this woman who has a collective of friends that reflects that blackness, people of color, we're not a monolith. Right? So they're, you know, she has a her best friend is one who is fifth generation college educated, and from a space of wealth, which many people don't think about, like people like that, right? Yeah. And her other friend, Ana is a partner at a law firm. But what's at what cost? The other person in the book is a black male CPA who's a blurred or Black Nerd, and loves gaming, and left sci fi and goes and does cosplay. But it's this idea of sharing our communities in different way and validating who we are, because we're not a monolith. And giving ourselves permission to do things in a different way that serves us and our ability to be wholehearted in the lives that we live. And we need more models like that. 

Bethaney Wilkinson  38:54

Oh, for sure. For sure. So that will release in the spring of next year. You said

Aiko Bethea  38:59

yes. Meet Tameka Robinson so that will come out next spring. Yay.

 Bethaney Wilkinson  39:04

Yay. Oh, this is so wonderful. Honestly, I just feel like you've opened up an entire world. For me personally, I know we're recording this for The Diversity Gap podcast listeners, but honestly, I go this has been so rich. I'm just so grateful for your time. Thank you for being with us. All right, friends, that is a wrap. Thank you so much for being here for being part of The Diversity Gap community. This has been a full year I hope that you have plans to rest to celebrate to connect with loved ones as we transition into a new year. If this episode of the podcast has been helpful to you in any way, please consider rating and reviewing the show wherever you listen to your podcasts. And yeah, I can't wait to see you next year. Keep an eye out on The Diversity Gap socials on our website to stay in the loop for all that is to come. Thanks and goodbye.